


Need A New Start

by 27summer



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 01:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27summer/pseuds/27summer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quinn can’t believe what Rachel’s doing and offers her a chance to change her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need A New Start

**Author's Note:**

> Through Season Five and vague spoilers for Season Six. I started writing this back when the first few spoilers came out but nothing specific except for where Rachel is and her job.

Leaning against the piano, Rachel shuffled through sheet music. She knew she had to pick something that would get the kids excited. It should probably be a pop song because not everyone loved Broadway as much as she did. All of a sudden, she heard a sound and looked up. “Oh, my God. Quinn!”

“Wow. I had heard that you were back in Lima, coaching the Glee Club but I didn’t really believe it.” Quinn walked into the room, looking critically at Rachel.

“Yes. They needed a coach and I’m free since my show didn’t get picked up.” Rachel glanced away, not meeting Quinn’s eyes.

“How long are you planning to work for free?” Quinn asked, her face not betraying any of her emotions.

“I don’t know. Indefinitely, I guess,” Rachel said defensively. “It’s not like I have anything else to do.”

Quinn raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? You’re going to stay here, coaching kids who aren’t half as good as you?”

“Obviously, I’m not that good. I’ve made a mess out of my life. At least I’m not screwing up completely here.” Rachel finally met Quinn’s eyes, surprised at the hostility there. “What?”

What are you doing, Rachel? You can’t give up after one mistake,” Quinn said, softening at the total defeat on Rachel’s face.

“Sure I can. I burned all my bridges. I left my dream role on Broadway to chase a silly TV job. I’ll never get work on Broadway again.” Rachel wiped haphazardly at the tears on her cheeks. Of course she’d fall apart in front of Quinn. She’d managed to hide her devastation from Kurt, Sam, even her dads. But Quinn was always the one to bring out her emotions.

“Yeah, you screwed up. But that doesn’t mean you stop, Rachel. You’re barely 20 years old. You’re so talented. If you put in the work, eventually something will come up for you. Maybe it won’t happen the way you thought it would but your career isn’t over.” Quinn gazed at Rachel earnestly, almost as though her belief would sink into Rachel just by her stare.

“No.” Rachel shook her head, unwilling to allow that hope to come back. “I always planned to come back here. It’s just a little sooner that I wanted.”

“Bull. You’ve wanted New York for as long as I’ve known you. That doesn’t just go away,” Quinn insisted.

“I- I did. But I always thought when I was done, I’d come home to Finn. Yeah, he’s gone but I can carry on what he wanted to do.” Rachel tried to smile but I didn’t work too well.

“Are you crazy? You’d have given up New York and Broadway to come back to a place where most of us treated you like crap?” Quinn tightened her hands into fists, trying to contain her anger. Blowing up at Rachel wouldn’t help at all.

“No, after I won my Tony and Grammy and everything.” Rachel managed an actual smile this time. “I’d have Finn and we’d be a family.”

“That makes no sense,” Quinn said gently, placing a hand on Rachel’s shoulder. “You both would have put your lives on hold for years? Because that’s what it would have been, Rachel. Years.”

“What does it even matter? Finn’s gone,” Rachel snapped.

“He is. And you living your life as a shrine to him isn’t going to change that.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” Rachel shrugged Quinn’s hand away.

“It is. You lost your first dream and now you’re hanging onto the last piece of Finn you have left. But this isn’t you, Rachel, and I know Finn wouldn’t want you wasting your life here.” Quinn cornered Rachel against the piano, giving her no way to escape from the conversation.

“What do you even know about what Finn would want? You guys barely spoke once high school ended.” Rachel squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to listen to Quinn’s words.

“Yeah, you’re right. We weren’t that close after graduation but if you think he’d want you to stay here, you’re nuts. Come on, Rachel. This is no way to live,” Quinn finished softly, looking at Rachel with pleading eyes.

“Don’t. You don’t know anything.” Rachel shoved Quinn away and walked across the room. She needed space.

“Maybe. Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you really are nothing but a Lima loser,” Quinn said harshly. Rachel always frustrated her so much. She could do anything but she always seemed to settle for whatever little bit she was given. Rachel was quite possibly the most talented person she’d ever met. She was so hard working with such big dreams but at the slightest bit of failure, she fell apart and let it crush her. Quinn wanted to just slap her sometimes and force Rachel to see herself the way that Quinn did.

“Why do you even care? It’s not like we’re even friends.” Rachel tried not to show how hurt she was.

“You know what? You’re right. I’d hoped to come here and find that you were making plans for what to do next but all you’re doing is wallowing. Maybe this is what you deserve.” Quinn fumed. This wasn’t how she wanted this to go. She’d really hoped that she’d heard wrong about Rachel. But finding out that Rachel really was stuck here in Lima made her want to shake Rachel until she woke up and realized what she was doing.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so mean but I don’t have to sit here and listen to it. I’m not the girl I was in high school.”

“Yeah, you’re not. No matter how much I teased her, that girl never gave up. I respected her.” Quinn shook her head, disgusted by both Rachel and herself. “I’m done. I’m not going to argue with you when you’re set on this.”

“Good,” Rachel said, feeling oddly disappointed. She hadn’t expected Quinn to give up so easily. Maybe that meant she had made the right decision.

“Right.” Quinn blew out a breath, giving herself time to calm down. “Look, a friend of mine has written a musical and is working on producing it. For what I’ve seen, it’s pretty good and he’s having an awful time finding a lead actress. It’s crap pay and a tiny production in New Haven. If you want the details, give me a call. If not, good luck with all this. I hope you find what you want, Rachel.”

“I-” Rachel stood in shock as Quinn left the room. Everything had happened so fast, she couldn’t process what went on. One minute she was looking at sheet music, the next Quinn was here and saying horrible words to her. And then, Quinn offered her a chance to get out of Lima again. It made no sense.

Except it did. Because Quinn was one of the few people who understood her. Sure, her dads supported her and Kurt was encouraging. But nobody else had really understood why she gave up so quickly. But Quinn had picked up on it almost immediately. And that scared her. She didn’t know if she could handle someone knowing her so well. It might be better to just drop the whole thing and forget Quinn ever came to see her. Because if she didn’t, she’d have to deal with all the emotions that came up whenever Quinn was around. And Rachel wasn’t quite ready for that yet.

\----------------

“Oh. Wow. I didn’t expect to see you here.” Rachel looked at Quinn in surprise. It had been two days since their argument in the choir room. And she still wasn’t prepared to see Quinn.

“I know it’s weird. But I wasn’t here for the funeral and it kind of seemed like time to pay my respects.” Quinn shrugged and nodded at the headstone in front of them. This was a mistake. She didn’t want to fight with Rachel at Finn’s grave.

“Oh. Yeah. I- I didn’t see you at the funeral,” Rachel said, hoping she didn’t sound accusing. She didn’t want to fight but she was curious about why Quinn didn’t come.

“I had exams I couldn’t miss.” Quinn winced a little. “Wait, that’s not true. Well, it is. I did have exams. But I probably could have rescheduled for an emergency. I just didn’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“It’s selfish but- but I didn’t want to be reminded of my past. I was in a new place; I had a new boyfriend, even if he did turn out to be a jerk. But I didn’t want to go back. Does that make sense?” Quinn asked.

“It does. And it’s not selfish,” Rachel said softly, thinking back on that horrible time. “You were protecting yourself.”

“I was,” Quinn agreed. “I was so scared that if I came home, I’d regress. I was already doing that with Biff but- I thought if I came home, I’d be sucked back into being bitchy Quinn and I really don’t want to be her again.”

“I don’t think you’re in danger of that. Noah keeps you honest, doesn’t he?”

Quinn groaned. “Don’t remind me. Talk about regression.”

“Did you two break up again?” Rachel frowned. “I thought you were made for each other.”

“A baby doesn’t mean we’re soulmates.” Quinn rolled her eyes. “Puck and I weren’t right for each other. I know that but I keep letting myself get sucked in. We barely get along most times. We are so different.”

“He loves you,’ Rachel said as an odd feeling of relief came over her.

“No, he doesn’t. He loves the mother of his child. The fantasy ice queen he tamed. But me? He hardly even knows who I actually am.” Quinn shrugged.

“I’m sorry. I really wanted you to be happy.” Rachel looked sadly at Finn’s headstone. “At least one of us should be.”

“Oh, Rachel. You haven’t lost your chance to be happy.” Quinn placed a hand on Rachel’s back. “There are millions of people in the world. I’m sure you could find at least one who could tolerate your crazy.”

“Really? Are any of them in Lima, Ohio?” Rachel snapped, shrugging Quinn’s hand off of her.

“Yeah, actually, just not for long.” Quinn’s eyes grew wide when she realized what she had said. She hadn’t meant for that to come out.

“What? Quinn, what do you mean? Are you saying what it sounds like you’re saying?” Rachel looked up at Quinn, not quite believing she’d heard correctly.

“Just forget it,” Quinn said, waving a hand.

“No. Do you have feelings for me?” Rachel asked, a bead of hope running through her. She didn’t understand it but the idea of Quinn having feelings for her made her happy.

“I- Rachel, can we drop it?” Quinn was panicking. She would lash out soon if Rachel didn’t let this go. She didn’t want to hurt Rachel but she also didn’t want to hurt herself. And this conversation would leave her with an aching heart if she let it continue.

“No. I can. Are you in love with me? Is that why you and Noah broke up?”

Quinn shook her head, giving herself a moment to gather her thoughts. “Puck and I broke up because it’s hard enough maintaining a long-distance relationship when both people are all in. And I’m not. Puck’s easy to be with because I don’t care. I don’t care if he cheats on me, I don’t care if he forget to call. But that’s not a good relationship. We both deserve more than that.”

“You do.” Rachel waited to see if Quinn would answer her other question. When she didn’t, Rachel turned and looked directly in her eyes, repeating her earlier question. “Are you in love with me?”

“Rach- You don’t want to know the answer to that.” Quinn shut her eyes.

“I do. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know.” Rachel reached out and palmed Quinn’s cheek. “Please.”

“Why are you doing this?” Quinn asked, shrinking away from Rachel. “We both know it doesn’t matter anyway. You don’t feel the same.”

“Quinn, please.” Rachel looked at her with wide brown eyes and Quinn found herself helpless to resist.

“Yes, Rachel, I’m in love with you. My relationship with Puck fell apart mainly because he’s not you. All of my relationships fall apart because I want to be with you. Happy now?” Quinn glared at Rachel resentfully. She may have been incapable of denying Rachel anything but she didn’t have to like splaying her heart open for someone didn’t feel the same.”

“I- I’m shocked. I don’t know what to say.” Rachel took a step back, needing time to think.

“Of course you’re freaking out,” Quinn muttered bitterly. She backed away from Rachel again, anxious to give her the space she needed. “I knew you would. This is why I never planned on telling you.”

“Don’t do this. Don’t lash out because you’re scared. I deserve better than that. You have to give me a chance to consider what you just told me.”

“What’s to think about? You don’t feel the same. I don’t need to hear it.” Quinn turned away, hoping Rachel would let it go.

“Quinn, what do you expect me to do? Fall into your arms? This is totally unexpected. You spent years torturing me and now you’re telling me you’re in love with me?” Rachel waited for Quinn’s response, even as her mind raced as she considered Quinn’s words. She was stunned but her heart jumped when Quinn said she loved her. That meant something. She just wasn’t certain what it was.

“I-” Quinn sighed, spinning around to look at Rachel once more. “I know this isn’t fair to you. Your life is complicated enough without me adding to it. I shouldn’t have said anything at all.”

“No. I’m glad you did. I don’t want you to have to hide from me.” Rachel hesitated, wanting to be honest but also not hurt Quinn’s feelings. “But I can’t exactly say that I feel the same way.”

“Oh, Rachel, I know that. I didn’t- I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. Because you don’t. My feelings are mine to deal with.” Quinn shook her head impatiently. “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you in the first place.”

“But I-”

“Rachel, I don’t need or want your pity. I just want us to not talk about this any longer,” Quinn pleaded. She couldn’t stand it if Rachel pitied her.

“I- okay. If that’s what you want.” Rachel felt let down but she wouldn’t push Quinn. Not when she didn’t know how she felt. That would only hurt Quinn more.

“Okay. Good.” Quinn released a relieved breath. It wasn’t like Rachel to drop things but she was glad she did. “But my point stands. There is someone out there who will love you. You don’t have to settle for the ghost of a life you never even wanted.”

Rachel shook her head. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

“Of course it is. I know better than anyone what it’s like to cling to something you don’t really want.” Quinn laughed ruefully. “You’re the one who convinced me I could have more. Isn’t that ironic?”

“I- I don’t know what to say.” Rachel looked away, afraid Quinn would be able to read all of the confusion in her eyes.

“Just think about it, Rachel. About what you really want. If you can stand a life in Lima.” Quinn reached out, taking Rachel’s hands and waiting for her to look at her. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I just don’t think this is really what you want. You’re made for the stage.”

“I screwed that all up, didn’t I?” Rachel said, furious at herself for ruining her career.

“Yeah, you messed up. And maybe you’ll never be a Broadway star again. But don’t you think you should at least try?” Quinn asked, squeezing Rachel’s hands for emphasis.

“I’ll never get another chance like Funny Girl,” Rachel said, sticking her lip out.

“Probably not,” Quinn agreed. “But there’s a guy in New Haven who’s willing to let you audition. It’s not Broadway but it’s something.”

“How does this guy even know me anyway? He’s just going to take your word that I’m not a flake like every casting director probably thinks I am?” Rachel didn’t dare hope that this could work out. She’d resigned herself to a life in Lima and she didn’t believe she could hand another blow.

“He was a TA in one of my classes before he graduated. He asked if I know any actresses who’d be willing to work in Connecticut for next to no pay. I told him about you and he got really excited.”

Rachel scoffed. “Come on. You’re not serious.”

“I am. He saw you in Funny Girl and said you were fantastic.”

“If he saw me then, he must know I’m blackballed.”

Quinn nodded. “He does. And he thinks it would really work. An actress who had it all and is starting all over again. He thinks that story will cause people to come see you.”

“This sounds too easy. Are you sure this isn’t some scam? Rachel asked, looking at Quinn suspiciously.

“No.” Quinn waved her hands. “It’s not a done deal. You’ll have to audition. But it’s a chance, Rachel. And that’s all you’ll need. I know you’re talented.”

“I don’t know.” Rachel gazed at the grave in front of her, trying to collect her thoughts. She longed to get on a place to Connecticut and be in that play and maybe explore her feelings for Quinn. But it was terrifying and she couldn’t make that leap.

“You don’t have to make any decisions right away.” Quinn shrugged. “You don’t have to do it at all. When Eric asked if I knew any actresses, I just knew I had to mention you.”

“You’re sweet to think of me,” Rachel said, charmed by the way Quinn shoved her hands in her pockets and shuffled nervously.

“Not really. If you’re in New Haven, I’d get to see you more,” Quinn said shyly. She really was a masochist. She’d be Rachel’s friend no matter what, even if it killed her.

“Quinn, I-”

“I- I want us to be friends, Rachel. It doesn’t have to go beyond that.” Quinn smiled, feeling a weight lifted off her now that Rachel appeared to be listening to her. It didn’t feel right to get out of Lima when Rachel was still there.

“I- I’m going to think about it, okay?” Rachel hoped Quinn knew she meant everything they’d talked about. She couldn’t make any rash decisions about anything at the moment.

“Good. I’m glad.” Quinn’s smile grew at the prospect of having Rachel with her. At least she’d get to see her, even if she couldn’t have her the way she wanted.

“I can’t make any promises,” Rachel warned. That hopeful look in Quinn’s eyes terrified her. She couldn’t handle anyone else’s expectations. She had to work out what this meant on her own.

“I know. I’m just happy you’re thinking about it.” Quinn hugged her quickly, letting go before she became too emotional.

“I am, too.” Rachel smiled, her heart fluttering at the look on Quinn’s face. She had to calm down. She couldn’t be swayed by her emotions.

“Listen, I’m going to go and leave you to your thoughts. I’m going to New York a few days after Christmas to spend New Year’s with Brittany and Santana. I’ll be leaving for New Haven on the second. So if you want to be in touch, you know where I’ll be.” Quinn patted Rachel’s shoulder awkwardly. She never knew how to act around Rachel and it was even worse now that she’d confessed her feelings. And yet, she still wanted to be around her all of the time.

“I- I’ll be in touch.” Rachel was warmed by everything Quinn had done for her. She just didn’t quite know what it all meant.

“Bye.” Quinn waved before walking away.

“Bye.” Rachel stared long after she was gone.

\----------------

Taking a seat on the train, Quinn tried not to be disappointed that Rachel hadn’t called her. She’d given Rachel the opportunity but Rachel had to want it for herself. Quinn couldn’t force her to do anything. If she could, high school might have been very different. And even though she wanted to see her so badly, it might be time to accept that their friendship was over. Rachel never called or texted or contacted her at all while Quinn was in Lima. She’d wanted to believe that Rachel was considering everything but maybe Quinn had screwed up too badly. Maybe confessing her feelings had freaked Rachel out so much that they couldn’t be friends anymore. Maybe-

“Hey. Do you happen to know any place in New Haven where I can stay?”

Quinn looked up to find a shy-looking Rachel standing next to her. “Rachel?”

“I guess you’re happy to see me,” Rachel joked when Quinn jumped up and hugged her.

“I am. Why didn’t you call me and tell me you were coming?” Quinn asked, pulling Rachel to sit down next to her.

“Because I wasn’t sure I’d have the nerve.” Rachel looked down at her lap. “I thought about what you said. All of it, and I knew almost immediately what I wanted. But I was still terrified. I couldn’t really believe I’d have another chance. My dads and I have been in New York for three days. I’ve been over and over it in my mind. I want this. I want to go to New Haven and audition. I want-”

“What? What do you want?” Quinn asked, her heart beating faster at the way Rachel stared at her. She’d never dreamed Rachel would look at her with desire in her eyes.

“You. I want to be with you, Quinn.” Rachel cupped Quinn’s face when her eyes filled with tears. “You weren’t supposed to cry.”

“It’s- I never thought- You- Are you sure?” Quinn asked, still not sure that she’d heard right. Part of her was expecting to wake up all alone.

“I- I am. I knew right away after you told me your feelings but I wanted to have no doubts. I didn’t want to jerk you around.” Rachel slid one of her hands to the back of Quinn’s neck. “Quinn, you’ve done so much for me.”

“No. No. I don’t want this to be about gratitude.” Quinn jerked away, her heart sinking she didn’t want Rachel like this. “You don’t owe me anything.

Rachel captured Quinn’s hands, preventing her from leaving. “I do but that’s not what this is about.”

“I can’t- I don’t want you to be with me because you think you need to give me something.” Quinn shook her head in disbelief. Why had she gotten her hopes up? She should have known Rachel would never really want her. Rachel had never wanted her the way Quinn wished she did.

“I’m not that obliging, Quinn.” Rachel forced Quinn to look at her. “I want to be with you. I’m in love with you.”

“You don’t mean that.” Quinn shut her eyes.

“I do. Open your eyes.” Rachel slid her hands up to Quinn’s neck. “Quinn, you- you’re the only one who seems to know exactly what I’m thinking.”

“That doesn’t mean you need to be with me.” Quinn couldn’t allow her hopes to rise.

“Stop it. I’m an adult. I know what I want. And what I want is you. I adore you. There’s a part of me that always has.” Rachel leaned in, hovering over Quinn’s lips.

“Rachel, please. You have to- I’m crazy about you. Are you sure?” Quinn opened eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sure.” Rachel smiled, holding onto Quinn’s face. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Rachel-”

“Hush.” Rachel kissed her deeply.

Quinn smiled as her heart beat faster. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Their lips met once more as they made their way to New Haven to start a new life together.


End file.
